Why is it when things are going along great it seems like you always get blindsided? You are finally happy. Things seem to be going your way and BAM!, out of nowhere comes something that tries to make you lose focus. It tries to steal your happiness. This is what I was up against today. I spent hours struggling to maintain a hold on my happiness while I felt myself being sucked into the mire of self-pity.
In the past, I did not have this happiness within me so there was nothing to keep me from being sucked in. This happiness is still new to me. As a matter of fact, it has just been within the past few weeks that I have found it. Maybe it has been there all along but was just buried so deep I couldn't find it. I must say, I love this feeling. I don't want to ever lose this part of me again. It was this realization today that kept me from slipping back into that dark dreadful place.
It doesn't have to be anything major to make you stumble. It really doesn't even have to be anything unexpected. This was the case for me today. I had some difficulty sleeping last night. When the alarm went off this morning, I thought I hit the snooze. Apparently I had accidentally shut off the alarm instead. I woke up 45 minutes later and was now running late. After an incredibly quick shower, I threw on my clothes and was ready to go. I was very frustrated with myself but was trying to stay positive. I have been doing really good with getting my makeup on but did not have time today. I threw it into a bag and took it with me. Then I hadn't paid attention to the gas gauge in my car and I had to stop and pump gas on my way to work. I was still hanging on. I spent part of my lunch hour putting on my makeup so I didn't feel like I was slipping back to my old habits. Then mid afternoon I received some news that I knew was coming. I just wasn't ready for it yet. This was the blow that almost knocked me down.
For the next several hours, it seemed like everything I tried to do went wrong. I just kept sinking lower and lower. My happiness was slipping away. Then I got home and needed to fix something quickly in the kitchen to take to a cookout. The problem was, the kitchen hadn't been cleaned from the last time yet. I had no counter space. I was knocking things off every time I touched something. Tools I wanted to use were dirty. At this point, anger set in and it was more than I could take. I turned off the stove and walked away. I had to completely remove myself from the entire situation. I hated how I was feeling but I knew what had happened in the kitchen was my own fault. It was also easily fixable. It was NOT worth sacrificing my new found happiness over. As for the news from earlier in the day, it was nothing major. It was something I had already been working on for quite some time and will share more with you later when the time is right. Again, it was not worth losing my sense of peace.
The reality is...... THIS IS LIFE. The ups and the downs..... The good and the not so good. It is all a part of everyday life. No one's life is perfect. We all go through this. If it is something that you don't like and you have the power to change it, DO SO!!! It will be worth it. If you can't change the situation, you can at least change how you react to it. If what you try the first time doesn't work, try something else. Keep trying until you find what works for you.
As for my kitchen, I will be working on this tomorrow. I will also be adding a couple of things into my daily list to help get the home part of my journey on its way. So stay tuned. We still have a long way to go.
Until tomorrow......
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