Pothole

Well I said I would keep you updated but there isn't much to tell you.  Nothing much has changed.  I wasn't feeling very well Monday.  Tuesday was worse and this morning I broke down and went to the doctor.  I have a sinus infection and bronchitis.  I did NOT go to Weight Watchers to weigh today and I did not get on the scale at home either.  I did manage to fix my hair and put in a pair of earrings and wear a couple of rings Monday and Tuesday.  Today... I just didn't care.  Nothing has been done with the house either but it is going to have to wait another day or two until I feel better.

As I lay here with my box of tissues, cough drops, cold meds and antibiotics I am looking at the mess my bedroom has become.  It is making me very frustrated.  Just a few months ago I had such plans for the house, things I wanted to do and how I wanted it decorated.  But I seem to have completely buried those dreams along with others I had been looking forward to.  As those dreams disappeared so did what happiness I had worked so hard to achieve.  This is not the person I want to be.  But you already knew that.  That is what this journey is all about.  SO... how do I go about that? 

There has to be a way to combine those dreams with this life I have chosen.  There MUST be.  I need those dreams back.  They are vital to my journey.  I want to enjoy this life, not just exist.  I want to be the person I see when I close my eyes.  I want my house to become the home that I crave.  This is what brings the smile not just to my face but to my heart.

I will be spending this time and the time I will have while recovering from my upcoming surgery working on how to uncover these dreams and incorporating them into the life I have now.  I know it will be baby steps.  I know there will be set backs but I am determined to succeed.  I will find a way.  I will find the balance between these two worlds and make them both my own.

Until next time.....

Copyright 2012 by Betty Williams