***** THE
FOLLOWING IS PURELY FICTION. IF YOU ARE
SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION, PLEASE SEEK TREATMENT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BY
SPEAKING WITH YOUR DOCTOR OR CALLING ONE OF THE NUMBERS LISTED BELOW. *****
Two Sides of Words
Spoken
He stands beside the casket, speaking to each of the people
filing past. He is somewhat surprised at
the number of people who have taken time out of their busy lives to stop by and
pay their last respects. He recognized
most of the family, but many others he has no idea who they are. How did all these people know his wife when
he didn’t know them? Is it possible
there was a side to her he never took the time to understand? Not likely.
He listened to story after story of how his wife had touched their
lives. Were they really talking about
the same person. She had apparently
shown kindness, love and caring to each of these people in one form or another. Many she had provided meals for, others she
delivered much needed groceries, some she watched their children when they
needed someone, a few had been given rides when either their cars had given up
or were out of fuel. Many she had just
provided compassion, a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. They said she was going to be greatly
missed. He just didn’t understand what
she had been thinking. Why did she do
this? How stupid could someone be? He was always trying to help her improve
herself and learn to do things more efficiently but she just wouldn’t listen to
him. He told her over and over what she
needed to do to be better.
She sat in her car staring out the windshield without really
seeing the bridge in front of her. Tears
were streaming down her face as his words ran on a continuous loop through her
mind. She closed her eyes and covered
her ears with her hands but neither the tears nor the words would stop. “You never fail to disappoint”, “You never
miss an opportunity to fail”, “Now I know why they have idiot lights”, “A
little common sense can go a long way”, “I will treat you better when you
deserve to be treated better” and on and on and on. She couldn’t take it any longer. She doubted anyone would miss her anyway. With that final thought, she hit the
accelerator without even opening her eyes or taking her hands off her
ears. Peace was finally within her
grasp.
Copyright by Betty Williams 2013
*******************************************************************************
Many people feel sad or depressed at some time in their
life.
But if this sadness or depression
continues you need to seek help.
C
linical depression is marked
by a depressed mood most of the day, particularly in the morning, and a loss of
interest in normal activities and relationships -- symptoms that are present
every day for at least 2 weeks. In addition, you may have other symptoms with major
depression. Those symptoms might include:
Fatigue or loss of energy almost daily
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
almost daily
Impaired concentration or being indecisive
Insomnia or hypersomnia (excessive
sleeping) almost daily
Diminished interest or pleasure in
almost all activities nearly every day (called anhedonia, this symptom can be best
determined by significant others)
Restlessness or feeling slowed down
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide
Significant change of more than 5% of
body weight in a month – either gain or loss
Take any mention of suicide seriously. If
someone is threatening to commit suicide, get help right away. Health
professionals should try to find out whether the person:
Has the means (weapons or medicines)
available to commit suicide or do harm to another person
Has set a time and place to commit
suicide
Thinks that there is no alternative way
to stop the pain
If a suicide threat seems
real, with a specific plan and the means at hand:
Call 911, a
suicide hotline, or the police immediately
Stay with the person, or ask someone
you trust to stay with the person, until the crisis is over
Encourage the person to seek
professional help
Don't argue with ("It's not as
bad as you think") or challenge the person ("You're not the type to
commit suicide")
Tell the person that you don't want
him or her to die. Talk about the situation as openly as possible
You can
take steps to prevent a suicide attempt.
Be willing to listen, and help the
person find help. Don't be afraid to talk to them or ask "What is the
matter?" or bring up the subject of suicide. There is no evidence that
talking about suicide leads to suicidal thinking or suicide.
Remove
all firearms from the home, or lock firearms and bullets up in different
places.
Get rid
of any prescription and nonprescription medicines that are not being used.
Warning Signs Of Suicide
It is difficult
to know if a person is thinking about committing suicide. These are people who:
Have tried to commit suicide before,
or have had a family member who has tried to commit or who committed suicide.
Have had or have mental health
problems such as severe anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or depression
Have been through family violence,
including physical or sexual abuse.
Drink a lot of alcohol or use drugs
Are older. Older Americans have the
highest suicide rate of any age group. The
rate is highest among white men ages 65 and older. Within this group, divorced
and widowed men have the highest rate.
Are
veterans or are members of the
armed services.
Events
that may put people at greater risk for suicide include:
Life changes such as the death of a
partner or good friend, retirement, divorce, or problems with money.
The diagnosis of a serious physical
illness, such as cancer or heart disease, or a new physical
disability.
Severe and long-lasting pain.
Loss of independence or not being able
to get around without help.
Living alone or not having friends or
social contacts
Adults
who are at risk may show these warning signs of suicide.
They may:
Plan to or say they want to hurt or
kill themselves or someone else.
Talk, write, read, or draw about
death, including writing suicide notes and talking about items that can cause
physical harm, such as pills, guns, or knives.
Say they have no hope, they feel
trapped, or there is no point in "going on."
Buy guns or bullets, stockpile
medicines, or take other action to prepare for a suicide attempt. They may have
a new interest in guns or other weapons.
Drink more alcohol or use drugs, including prescription medicines.
No longer want to see people and want
to be alone a lot.
No longer take care of themselves or
follow medical advice.
Give away their things and/or hurry to
complete a will.
The warning signs in children, teens and young adults may be different. They include running away from home or doing
risky or dangerous things, such as drunk driving.
1-800-784-2433 OR 1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-273-8255 OR 1-800-273-TALK
I know it has been quite a few days since you last heard from me and I apologize for that. I have been struggling greatly in pretty much every area of my life. At times I have been feeling like I am not sure it is even worth the fight. Even as I write this, the battles rages on. There is also a great deal of guilt creeping in as well. I mean honestly, there are people far worse off than I am. What I am dealing with is so small compared to the battles of others. And yet I still find myself tired. Tired of the endless doctor appointments, the testing, procedures, blood draws, surgeries and just being tired. I am tired of the stress of waiting for results every knowing that if all goes well, in 3 months I will be waiting for results again. If it doesn't go well, it just leads us down a whole other path.
1 cup butter (and I use real butter) - softened but not melted
My first goal is my weight. Wednesday I weighed 266.4 pounds and today it was 264.8 pounds. I am 4.8 pounds away from meeting my first goal. This is very exciting.
Today has been a good day. My weight this morning was 267.8 pounds. I have gained a bit but it could have been much worse. Also, I didn't have my medication yesterday so some of that may have been fluid. We will see when I weigh tomorrow morning. I did get my morning routine done although it took most of the day as I completed things between my two appointments and some major grocery shopping.
